NAME: Mike Dunn
ALIAS: Skippy, Blusher
The youngest ne’er do well in the gaol, Mr Dunn Is still allowed parole to attend Ludlow School. His strangest ability is being able to turn bright red in an instant if anyone makes a joke at his expense (or mentions girlies).
Once again this man is a danger to society. His favourite computer games are Cobra “because it’s so playable” and Starglider 128 “The graphics are really neat, and the speech is superb.”
Sounds heard coming from his cell are usually created by Peter Gabriel “His third and fourth albums and So are my favourite albums ever, ever, ever. Games Without Frontiers and Big Time are my favourite tracks.” Mr Dunn often commandeers the prison video recorder (told you it was a liberal prison! — ED) to settle down to his favourite films including Police Academy, Santa Claus The Movie, and Ghostbusters. He also enjoys some TV comedy: “Kenny Everett just makes such a complete and utter prat of himself he’s funny” and Saturday Live “Ben Elton’s my fave ’cos he’s modest and unpretentious like me.” Strong dislikes include all TV game shows that involve greed, and the Benny Hill Show, his opinion of which should not be revealed in polite company (luckily he’s never in polite company).
He’s somewhat hard to please at the inmates’ canteen. He dislikes all English cooking, and prefers Curry (with chips), Pizza, Lasagne, hula-hoops and tortilla chips.
NAME: Ben Stone
ALIASES: Mr Label, Hey You, Lover Boy
Ben is the longest surviving inmate of the CRASH dungeon. He’s been down there for a couple of years now, and the strain is beginning to tell. In his Reebok trainers, Levi Jeans and Farah shirts, he cuts a sartorially elegant figure amongst the filth and vermin of his dungeon cell.
When it come to computer games, Ben goes in for the more violent ones — which could go some way to explaining why he got locked up. “Starglider is great. There’s this weird scenario, and you just go around blasting everything. Cobra is a real challenge: I haven’t worked out how to get past the Midnight Slasher yet. Harvey Headbanger is a fun little game, especially on the Amstrad, and World Games is the only sports simulation worth playing.”
When on the run, Mr Stone would often hide out in amusement arcades: “I like a lot of machines, but Battle Zone is one that springs to mind as a particular favourite.”
CRASH runs a fairly liberal prison regime — we allow the inmates their own music. Mr Stone likes The Cure, The Smiths and Siouxsie and the Banshees for reasons that escape the warders. His tastes in TV: “I like any trashy American sit-corns because they’re an escape from prison life. Eastenders is really ’oright, innit?”
NAME: Paul Sumner
ALIASES: Jolly Hockeysticks, The Fuzz
The ‘Old Lag’ of the dungeon, he shows some signs of repentance — his stated aim is to make parole and join the Police Force. His taste in computer games reveal a ruthless streak. Commando, “because it’s mindless”, Gauntlet, “it’s a bit different” and Match Point, “I’ve never got bored with it”.
Doubtless from the proceeds of some foul crime, he has just equipped his cell with a rather expensive Hi-Fi which he is rather proud of, including NAD amplifier and CD player. He rather rubs it in by walking round the place reading CD REVIEW. What does he listen to on it? Well, once again Peter Gabriel is prominent and Paul Simon often gets an airing. “Well, I’ve only heard Graceland, but it’s got amazingly funny lyrics. I can listen to nearly any chart music, thank goodness, otherwise I’d have a pretty horrible time listening to the radio.”
Just to rub his high-rolling life style into the other inmates, Mr Sumner’s Spectrum is encased in a SAGA keyboard, connected to an OPUS Discovery.
Despite this luxury, he does spend time with the other lags watching his favourite videos: Legal Eagles, “Robert Redford shows he can laugh and Debra Winger shows she can act. As for Daryl Hannah, she can forget it”; Aliens: “the visual effects work excellently.”
He also shows great prowess on the prison playing fields at hockey but describes it as “the only time I can let all my aggression out”, which, if you get to watch him play, is alarming.