CRASH - The Online Edition
— Issue 95 Contents|
THRILLS ON TAPE:
Fancy decking yourself in armour, tieing yourself to a wall with a piece of industrial strength elastic and chucking a ball at a similarly indisposed friend? No? Well there's no need for you to read these instructions, then...
Welcome to the future! Here there's no war, politics or unemployment - everyone's a proud employee of one of the Eco-zone corporations. We're all genetically perfect, work hard and enjoy the fun, fun, fun of the Bounces arena.
Our corporation-sponsored warrior clones are a mean bunch of muthas. They're given roller boots (with Frictoe caps), personalised body armour and helmets. Then a Bounces ball snatcher is stuck in their right hand and they're flung into the arena.
The object is to pitch the Bounces ball (low-gray slugdomium sphere) through the goal slots. But the crowd goes wild when the players go for the in-fighting, with its bloody knockdowns and slug-outs.
Yes folks, now you too can play one of the most violent ball games since Gridiron football was invented.
Sir Ashley Trueblood
Deadly in combat, chivalrous to the defeated!
History: Has suffered no knockdowns or slug-outs in two years of Bounces play with the KNIGHTS
Erik the Red
He plays dirty to win!
History: Undefeated world champion with the VIKINGS
A Bounces bout lasts just three minutes (90 seconds each way). In that time you try to score as many points as possible by pitching the Bounces ball through the slots in the ceiling of your opponent's half.
Each Bounces player wears roller boots fitted with friction toe-caps, personalised body armour and helmets. Both carry the deadly Bounces snatcher - part weapon, part ball scoop. And finally, just to make things difficult, each player is attached to his back wall by plas-flex wire.
Your Bounces player retains possession as long as you keep your finger on the fire button. Release the button and the Bounces ball accelerates away from the player.
Press the fire button and swing the player's arm forward to connect with his opponent.
You score points each time you pitch the ball through one of the goal slots in your opponent's half. The slot nearest to the ball dispenser (at centre court) scores low, the slot closest to the opponent's back wall scores high. You score an own goal if you pitch the ball through the slot in your own half.
You gain points each time you batter your opponent to the ground (a knockdown) or strike him with the ball (a slug-out). If your player's stamina falls to zero the game is forfeit to your opponent.
Bounces is compatible with Fuller, Kempston, Sinclair and Protek joysticks. Keys: 1/Advance, 2/Retreat. 3/Squat, duck, 4/Jump, stand up, 5/fire. Control your player's arm by using keys 1-4 while holding down 5. Releasing 5 fires the ball.
And now, the end is near, tah tah te-tah... CRASH presents the third and final game (sniff!) based on Mad magazine's fiercest rivals, the black and white spies. Play against the computer or get a friend to play the black spy as you chuck snowballs, cut holes in ice and detonate explosives in this appropriately wintery game.
Your mission is to locate and launch a subterranean intergalactic rocket before this year's worst arctic blizzard hits. To launch the rocket, collect the following: rocket entry punch card, guidance gyroscope and uranium fuel capsule. Unless you're carrying the launch briefcase, you can only carry one item at a time. Your opponent has the same mission (what a surprise!).
To aid you, you have the all-in-one, multi-purpose Arctic Trapulator. This handy little gadget is complete with a computer-generated mapping system and a few items for building nasty little traps for your opponent (what a sadistic bast you are). Your opposite number has his own Trapulator with which to drop some nasty little messages.
|PLAYER 1||PLAYER 2|
|Pick up/drop object|
|Select/activate booby trap|
|BREAK Return to option screen|
When the game's loaded, you're presented with a number of options. These are: number of players (one or two), difficulty level (press Q), computer player intelligence (press X) and rocket launch site revealed or hidden until the end (press Z).
Press C when you've made your selections.
Picture the screen as a three dimensional area where you go left and right or in and out of the screen. Move your figure by pushing the joystick left and right. When the figure reaches the extreme left or right, the screen scrolls. Move the figure in and out of the screen by moving the joystick up or down.
Along the background and foreground areas are gaps. These are passageways through which you find other parts of the arctic.
Pressing fire while in range of any object lifts it. Items may be hidden by snow mounds and found only if you're lucky. If you're not, your opponent has placed a booby trap there, blowing you to smithereens...
The Trapulator allows you to store and use various items and tools useful for completing the mission. Underneath each player's screen are a number of icons. These represent the items needed in your mission. Above the icons are indicators that tell you whether you have at least one of that item. If you find an object, pick it up by standing over it and pressing fire. Pressing fire again stores it in your Trapulator.
In the previous Spy Vs Spy games, combat was with swords. However, as you're in the arctic, the quickest way to lower your opponent's body temperature, speeding his demise, is with a good, old fashioned snowball fight. The spies may throw snowballs only when both spies are in the same quadrant.
To throw snowballs you must:
Select any of these traps if you have them in your inventory: saw, ice pick, hammer, dynamite and water bucket.
To place a trap, simply press fire twice, use up and down to select the trap, then press fire again to hold the trap. Position your spy where you wish to place the trap, hold down fire and push up. The trap disappears. Once set, either spy may set a trap off.
Hole-in-the-ice trick: By selecting the saw, your spy cuts a hole in the ice. Both spies must then avoid that spot.
Booby-trapped icicles: Use the ice pick to chip away at a hanging icicle. It will fall on the next player to go underneath it.
Ice water bucket: Spilling water on the ice causes slippery spots that get in your opponent's way (and make him slip on his ar--).
Dynamite plunger: Use this to blow your opponent up. Sticks of TNT are limited but useable by any spy. Bury TNT in the snow but remember where you buried it because you can only move your own dynamite once it's set. Use the plunger to detonate TNT by remote control. However, each spy may only use the plunger that matches his colour.
To use your plunger:
There are a number of hazards at the arctic. These are:
Except when both spies are on the same screen or you're in snowball mode, you can read your map. Shown on the map are:
Keep a careful eye on the temperature of your spy. If the level of the mercury reaches the bottom of the thermometer, your spy freezes to death. Raise your body temperature by either avoiding the items that lower your temperature - such as snowballs and walking in deep snow - or stand by a fire, found in igloos.
The game ends when either your spy dies or he leaves the arctic in the escape rocket. You can only enter the rocket if you have all three items and the launch briefcase. To enter the rocket, simply walk up to the entrance. If any of the items are missing, you're persuaded to go and find them!
Spookarama (Arizona)! Famous landmarks and even whole cities are transforming into unusual objects! There's something very odd going on, and you can begin the investigation in this very demo. Stick a sheet of you're head and whisper Woo! Woooo!!, 'cos Blinky's back!
Arthur J Hackensack, power-mad oil billionaire, Texan landowner, chairman of several major film studios and proprietor of the Ritz Bingo Hall in Milton Keynes (open most weekday nights from 7.30 onwards) craves world domination. To this end, he's kidnapped the ultra-famous paranormal scientist Professor Frobisher Goonhilly, forcing him to work on a weapon of awesome destructive power.
In past psychic research, the professor perfected a means of storing the negative energy produced in haunted buildings, hoping this would supply a non-pollutant form of power. Now, using the strange matter-warping properties of negative psyche, Goonhilly's super weapon changes the Isle of Wight into a large custard slice as a demonstration of Hackensack's evil intent.
At first it seemed nothing could stop Hackensack, with New York being turned into an enormous bath sponge (curiously, no one noticed). Paris refused to capitulate until the Eiffel Tower was turned into a toast rack and two-piece condiment set. The Tower of London wasn't spared: the ravens were transformed into ostriches, which rather surprised the beefeaters - but not half as much as it surprised the ravens!!
Conventional forces useless against psychic energy, the world governments looked to a new breed of hero, and so Blinky, spooky star agent of SPECTRE (Society for the Prevention of Ectoplasmic Crime, Telekinetic misuse and Reality Endangerment), is immediately put on the case. Armed only with an ectoplasmic gun and a case full of disguises, the courageous spook is parachuted onto the deck of Hackensack's base ship, the newly raised SS Titanic...
Move Blinky quickly through the various decks on the Titanic, collecting objects that help him stop Hackensack in his tracks. But beware! Intricate traps and minions sap Blinky's energy if they get their hands on him.
Keep the spook happy with a Sinclair joystick or the following keys: Q/jump, O/left, P/right, M/fire.