Letters

The Post Office must be thrilled with CRASH this month, since the postbag has almost trebled in angry response to the letter sent in by Mark Roberts (issue 15) attacking the Spectrum in favour of the CBM64. I’ve also received quite a bit of mail from CRASH readers who happen (and there are a surprising amount it would seem) to also own CBM64s, complaining about the anti-Spectrum stance taken by our sister publication ZZAP! 64. This has obviously been seen as some sort of betrayal — and all I can say to that is — you’re right. Disgusting behaviour. The ZZAP! team have been suitably reprimanded and new gallows space at the Ludlow gibbet approved for them should there be much more of it. Whilst l am on the subject, I got to see a few of the letters sent in by readers to ZZAP! and one, from Andrew C Rawstron, said that ZZAP! is much better than CRASH because it doesn’t have ‘Mangy Mangram’ writing for it. Being both a Spectrum and a CBM64 owner doesn’t give you the right to be plain nasty! (Ignore him Andrew you’re right! — RC).

I’ll include a few of the less vituperative (there’s a long word — the sort Candy wouldn’t understand) letters answering Mark Roberts, but too many would be boring.

I’m now getting input from another area than the Post Office, namely MICRONET. Yes folks, CRASH has logged on at long last and our thermal printer is pouring paper all over the floor. See the Micronet sub-niche in Tech Niche for more details. Letters originating from Micronet appearing on these hallowed pages will be accompanied by a suitable logo so you’ll know the miserly correspondent wouldn’t afford the 17p stamp (and you can’t enclose readies for the Mangram Fund via Micronet). Should anyone wish to write via Micronet, the CRASH Mailbox number is 105845851. Money for the CRASH tea kitty fund or Save a Mangram Fund, should be sent under separate cover via old fashioned steam PO system.

For Letter of the month, I’ve picked this one from Paul Rhodes, for his interesting comments on fast loaders, sensible attitude towards Alien 8/Knightlore, and some observations on Design Designoterica...

SOME THOUGHTS IN PASSING

Dear Lloyd,
I read with some interest your letters pages in CRASH issue 16, particularly the points made about fast loaders. The loader used by Ultimate, Ocean and many others is ‘Speedlock’ by DJL Software D Aubrey Jones (according to the copyright notice, which also gives a phone number — for successful hackers to call and gloat perhaps)? Even though this is probably the best protected loader on the market at present (Incentive’s loader comes close but in a different way), it is easy to break into any Speed locked program in a couple of hours once a technique has been worked out.

With regard to loading problems, it may interest you to know that ‘Speedlock’ is designed to do a JP 0 (equivalent to RAND USR 0) if it detects a high level of ‘noise’ on the tape, which could be caused by a poor tape-to-tape copy, but can also result from high volume settings on an original tape played on a poor cassette player (or one with dirty or misaligned heads, or unusually high output levels). Hence the improvement that may be observed by reducing the volume level or loading through the MIC socket. This itself is bad enough, but ‘Speedlock’ adds insult to injury by waiting until the program has finished loading before it crashes, even though it decides to do so at a very early stage. Whilst pirates deserve everything they get, this blatant placing of questionable increases in profit over customers’ ability to LOAD the games can do no good to the reputations of the companies involved.

Which brings me to Alien 8. Did the people complaining about the game’s similarity to Knight Lore really think that Ultimate would spend all the time and and money that Filmation must have taken up just for one game? Perhaps they ought to have released something different before Alien 8, but this is only the second such program and it bears many improvements over Knight Lore, and it has a completely different map. For a comparison, look at all the platform games which Bug-Byte relied on for so long, or at all the Space Invaders/Galaxians clones (the recent release Moon Cresta is about as original as an early BBC Micro game). No-one complained that Jet Set Willy was too much like Manic Miner, did they?

And finally, on the rather mot trivial subject of Design Design/Crystal hi-score tables, Mr Chattfield is merely scraping the surface of these programs. IOTBS and Dark Star each have 30 or so words vvhich they recognise and reply to, including various swear words, computer celebrities (and indeed mega-stars such as T Bridge), magazines, games and the like, and some in-jokes for those who have hacked their other programs (try typing ‘Lavinia’ into IOTBS). Other things to try are: (on IOTBS) ‘Marvin’, ‘Kickhaha’, ‘Dave’, ‘Cheesecake’, (on Dark Star) ‘MSX’, ‘C64’, ‘Ultimate’, ‘C&VG’.

Various bits of jokey and offensive text is scattered throughout the programs (eg over the systems variable — very annoying)! Most are listed in Spectacle (but not Halls for obvious reasons if you’ve seen it). Two of the names in the IOTBS hi-score table you haven’t mentioned are Muad’Dib and Sleepery Jeem: the former is the central character in Dune, the latter an obscure pronounciation of the Stainless Steel Rat’s other nickname from Harry Harrison’s books.
Paul Rhodes

On ‘Speedlock’, the fact the lets a program it already ‘knows’ won’t be allowed to load properly to continue doing until the end, smacks heavily of a petulant cynicism, doesn’t it? It’s the kind of thing that sounds like fun when you think it up — a kind of cruel joke — but not sensible in the long run.

Your points about Alien 8 sound very sensible to me, and underline the problems a company like Ultimate must have — they’re never allowed a slip in the public eye (not that I think Alien 8 was a slip).

And talking about Design Design — where are you guys? Gwaham, the Wookie and Co seem to have gone human beingly quiet of late. Come in Design Design, your time is up.

Digging around the references is becoming a subcult, I can see — more illumination on Design Design...
LM

EXCESSIVE FINGERS

Dear Lloyd,
In response to the letter concerning the weird Design Design hi-score tables, the game Warlock of Firetop Mountain gives responses to ‘Spectrum’ and a row of full stops. Also, try pressing CAPS SHIFT and BREAK. The table also contains song titles such as ‘Scarborough Fair’, a Mike Oldfield number and ‘To the Unknown Man’ (you know, the Vangelis score the BBC play at inappropriate times when they’re trying to be cultural). But can anyone tell me who recorded ‘Five Miles Out’? One more word on Warlock, don’t buy it unless you have an excessive number of fingers.
David Blair

Anyone know ‘Five Miles Out'?

The next writer’s comments refer back to the last but one letter, and has something rather different to say about fast loaders...
LM

NO PROBLEMS

Dear Lloyd,
I have never had any problems with turbo loaders. In my view they aren’t any harder to load than normal loaders. I just don’t know what the fuss is all about. Every other letter you have printed on the subject seems to paint a very black picture on turbos, so please print this.

I’d also like to tell Darren Dalton that his copy of Avalon isn’t unique, as I’ve also got a copy without the codes. Are there any more semi-unique Avalons about? Has anyone got a codeless Dragontorc anywhere? If so, how do they get out?

I was going to make a donation towards your titchy salary but the whip round only turned up one pence and I put that in. If by any chance this is letter of the month, I’ll have Gyron. A Porsche appeals somehow.
Geraint (non-turbo trouble) Jones

Thanks for the donation NTT, it’s going towards the Mangram Porsche Subsidiary Appeal (a Division of Mangram Industrial Charities Inc.), Anyway, it might help make up the hole in my pockets the Ludlow May fair left...
LM

PEA-BRAINED...

Dear Lloyd,
l am writing to you about the letter sent in by Mark Roberts (issue 15). I fail to see how the pea-brained little twerp had the cheek to write in to CRASH and say — I quote: ‘Don’t even try to criticise the Commodore 64 you will just embarrass yourselves.’

As you rightly pointed out, it is definitely the Spectrum that has done the most for games entertainment and the 64 has followed.

I would like to tell him what he can do with his Commodore 64, but you probably wouldn’t print it!
Daniel Bennett

No, we probably wouldn’t! However the next writer phrased it more politely (well only just — and from a lady too)!
LM

FROM A CANDY FAN

Dear Lloyd,
I’d like to know what that slime (MR) was doing reading CRASH in the first place. It’s obvious from the tone of his letter that no Spectrum owner would want to befriend him — even if he didn’t own a Commodore. So he’s gone to some lengths to get a copy of CRASH. Though this isn’t surprising when you consider all the monotonous crap churned out for Commodore owners. Who can blame this weed for wanting to read a truly sensational mag such as CRASH, for a stunning computer like the Spectrum? A case of seeing how the other half live, is what we have here.

Well here’s a tip for the inferior half — take your Commodore, tie it to your leg and jump in the nearest river — it will do both half of you a lot of good.

Moving on, please could you tell Robin Candy that I don’t think his intros are boring (well not as much as yours) and I think he’s got a cute face — even if the photo is blurred.
Anna Peters

Certainly not, Anna, his head barely gets through the door as it is. I’ll tell you a secret — he hates that blurry photo, that’s why we insist it goes in.
LM

BORING

Dear Lloyd,
I have just bought Formula 1 by CRL, and it is very, very good. I must warn readers not to confuse it with Formula 1 by Mastertronic, as it is a completely different game. Oh, by the way, I’ve just heard a really good joke. Do you want to hear it? Yes? Oh alright then. Here goes.

Mark Roberts!

Isn’t it brilliant! I’ve also found out that if you mix up the letters in MARK ROBERTS then add some and then take some away, it spells out BORING.

But, alas, I will give him credit where it’s due, he’s right in saying he hopes us Spectrum owners have learned something.

Well (copyright 1985 Robin Candy), I have learned that some Commodore 64 owners are really paranoid.
MA Smith

I think we’re all paranoid, it’s just that some CBM64 owners show it more and just to finish the subject off, Jacob Murray wants to know what the B in CBM stands for — Commodore Business Machines, Jacob. WeII I think that’s quite enough space to devote to the ravings of a suppressed psychotic. I abjure you (the long words in this issue?!) to refrain from further upset over the argument. It isn’t worth the effort.
LM

Micronet

GREETINGS

Firstly, welcome to the Net. What took you so long?

You may now expect a never-ending flow of comments on each and every issue (Groan — Ed), as and when it appears.

Having just got issue 16 I am afraid to say that it is worth every penny of the new price.

I see your reviewers were very quick to give Bruce Lee the SMASH tag, and were probably even quicker to beat it. I can honestly say that I agree with the review and still find it a loading well spent. I predict that it will soon blast its way into the Hall of Slime due to its playability.

For those readers who like the game I have a few hints. Unfortunately they will have to be sent later tonight as I am not sure of the screen numbers involved. I will say that they are to do with the flashing walls, the bushes, and a bug that allows quick access to a screen.
Daniel Merchant

The Hall of Slime stands ready...
LM

MISERLY MIZAR

Dear Sir,
In reply to your editorial ‘Saying Yes to Software’ in the May issue of CRASH, I would like to mention a couple of factors that seem partly to explain the nobody-wants-to-know demise of the adventure game Out of the Shadows.

I first read about it in your excellent magazine. I was sufficiently impressed by Derek Brewster’s review to decide to get a copy.

Problem number one — none of the retailers I contacted had heard of the game, let alone stocked it. And the only advertisement I has seen — again in CRASH — did not give an address for mail orders.

So I wrote to your Mr Brewster asking if he could give me Mizar’s address so I could obtain Out of the Shadows. I never had a reply to my letter.

I am a news editor on a provincial daily newspaper and recently began writing a monthly computer games feature including reviews of the latest software.

Mizar’s advertising was now carrying an address. I was still keen to see the game and publicise it in our paper. I wrote to the company asking if the could send me a review copy of Out of the Shadows so that I could feature it in our next computer games roundup. Again there was only the sound of silence, and they didn’t even bother to reply to my letter.

No, I do not believe the blame for an obviously good adventure game failing to succeed lies solely with the distributors. The programmers, the publishers, the promoters — if there are any — should realise that publicity usually works wonders. And the more people read about a new game the more it will become known, asked for and bought.
Colin W Newman

I’m sorry you didn’t receive a reply from Derek, but as I pointed out to another letter writer a month or so back, he does receive a large mailbag, which doesn’t get sorted through in an instant, and for which he simply hasn’t the time to reply to. Mizar’s silence is more unaccountable and puzzling. Perhaps they will take heed of this instance when it comes to the launching the next product. The next letter also bears on the same problem...
LM

Micronet

SMALL RETAILER

Dear Ed,
I work for a small retailer and agree with you re: Distributors and pester them as much as possible to stock titles from the smaller s/w houses, perhaps more retailers should do the same and some things might get done. The problem with dealing direct with software houses is that they tend to want orders of 50 plus tapes which is too large for a small retailer like us.
Martin Glassborow

I have had quite a bit of mail from retailers in response to Roger (HWMBO) Kean’s editorial on software and distributors (and a small bird tells me Microdealer UK’s PR man threatened to send up the boys to rearrange his kneecaps, thank goodness the Ludlow Mafia subs have been paid for the year — only joking guys). The next letter continues the theme...
LM

TOO EASY TO KNOCK

Dear Sir,
It is easy to knock everyone for the state of the software industry, but can I say a word of praise for the three distributors I deal with.

Two use first class post and ask for no minimum order — result — nearly always next day deliveries and no pressure from the sales staff. The third (Leisuresoft) is fantastic — always next day deliveries, minimum order only 10 games, always polite, friendly, helpful and never ever push for sales.

Because ours is a small business it means I can order almost daily, often getting new titles before bigger stores. I have also found their judgement to be pretty sound when it comes to what to stock and though I feel for the lesser known software houses trying to break into the ‘big time’, I really hope that the distributors do not find themselves in financial difficulties because magazines and others try to pressure them into what to stock. Remember, you only write about the games — they have to put up the hard cash!
Elizabeth P Clark, James Mckenzie Clark

I hand over...

In fact, although it isn’t my department, at CRASH we do not only write about the games. CRASH Mail Order is a thriving side which depends heavily on the prompt and efficient service of distributors, and in almost all cases (I think we deal with 6 or 7), our experience matches that of Elizabeth Clark. On the other hand hundreds of letters arrive here with attached comments on the lack of software availability, the biggest problem seeming to be that of slightly older software. It may well be that this is an area where mail order is the most sensible answer.

The main point I was trying to underline, however, is that while the judgement of distributors is usually sound, it is inevitably biased towards the ‘best chance’. The case of good games missing out is hardly ever put forward, but distributors also keep fairly quiet on those games that have all the publicity and promotional hype that end up being failures on the shelf. There used to be an old tenet of belief in the film business that a successful producer could make several box office flops in a row AS LONG AS THE FILMS WERE INTENDED TO BE COMMERCIAL, because the studio could say to its financial backers that everything was right, it was just the audience didn’t like them. There’s quite a bit of that going on in the software industry at the moment, whereas we all well know these days that it is often the cheaply promoted ‘outsider’ that runs away with the box office. Not so many months back a good cover, a few ads, a good software house name and a simple alien zapper would sell. It’s a mistake to hide behind that, especially when all sorts of strange games are appearing from both big and small software producers and selling well.
Roger Kean

MORE ZAPPING PLEASE!

Dear Magnificent One,
I am writing on behalf of the AAOC (The Arcade Adventures Out Campaign).

I am greatly disturbed by the fact that ever since Atic Atac, Ultimate has produced nothing but arcade adventures, top quality I have to admit, but I feel they could use their talents elsewhere. How about another game featuring my favourite hero Jetman?

Now don’t get me wrong, I think Ultimate should cater for the arcade adventure freak, but there are some of us (in fact quite a lot of us) who are sick of map making and going through hundreds of locations and getting lost In the process. There are some of us Ultimate fans who would like them to produce a more varied range of games to suit everyone’s taste. I think it’s about time Ultimate gave us a breath of fresh air! Please pass my comments on to them.

Oh, and by the way, print the highest scores of my friend and I on Starstrike, which puts the so called hi-scores on this game to shame. Believe it or not, it’s 2,368,000 (on easy), and my friend Alan Hobson’s is 2,111,100 (on easy).
Martin Chen

I’ll put the hi-score in the Hall, Martin. The only reason I’ve let it slip through here as well, is because it conveniently links into the next writer’s comments (which are not so favourable about Starstrike), and because you called me Magnificent. I’m sure your comments on Ultimate will be read!
LM

MORE ARCADE!

Dear Lloyd,
I am a keen fan of arcade games and would like to see more and better ones available.

I bought my Spectrum because of this and this is what I have got, but in some cases no challenge, or poor graphics.

Starstrike is not bad at first sight but the actual game is not at all appealing to me or my keyboard basher mates. I hope no-one will take offence but we think it’s a load of *****. However, if a company like Ultimate had produced it, perhaps it would have been a bit, if not a lot, better.
Martyn Deacon (14)

Obviously there’s a call for arcade games that use the recent improvements in graphics — plenty of people still like zapping. I must admit that I do not agree with you over Starstrike, however, because I think this is an excellent implementation of my favourite arcade game ‘Star Wars’ (still, despite some age, the classic shoot em up. The Ludlow May Fair has just left, taking three month’s worth of the Mangram Fund with it that went into a ‘Star Wars’ machine — sorry Fund fans, Mangram’s gotta right to some entertainment now and then, and at least a year’s Candy salary disappeared with the fair as well, I’m pleased to say). Still, each to their own.
LM

SHOCK HORROR

Dear Lloyd,
I’m writing to defend your magazine. This letter was written after reading the April issue. I was shocked, amazed, disgusted and I got a good laugh. People actually wrote in to defend Ghostbusters! And I thought it was only clever people who wrote to you. I was wrong! How can anyone enjoy a game like Ghostbusters? It is over-priced, megaboring, hyperunprofessional and is a threat to the world of games. And I think it was over-rated too — it should have got 5% VFM and 30% Overall!

If any of you loonies who like Ghostbusters want some good games, try Boulder Dash, Alien 8, or Underwurlde.

As an addition to the ‘Bop as you Zap’, try ‘Haunted House of Rock’ by Whadini while solving Atic Atac. And if you think adventures are too easy, try to play ‘Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict’ by Pink Floyd. Your brain will twist!
Simon Nielson

It looks as though lots of people will just have to agree to disagree as far as Ghostbusters is concerned, but as you can see Paul Walshe’s feelings about Boulder Dash are not reciprocated (golly, another biggie word!) by Simon here. I suppose if we all agreed about everything, life would be pretty Mark Roberts, wouldn’t it?
LM

BOULDER RASH

Dear Lloyd,
Your naughty reviewers ought to have their hands smacked, shouldn’t they? Yes, is the answer to that; but why? Well, it’s BOULDER DASH (pause for feelings of great guilt, sorrow and embarassment to sink in). The team seemed to think it was an original, highly addictive game and awarded it a CRASH SMASH. So, having faith in CRASH, I rushed out to the shops in order to lay hands on a copy of this wonderful game. When I got home I eagerly loaded it and began playing. I managed to force myself into playing two games before my hand leaped savagely at the plug, and the game has found its way to the bottom of my bin. I was disgusted (so much so that I was compelled to write a Limerick — see below). It was absolute rubbish, and how this Hunk-a-Junk became a CRASH SMASH and masterpieces like Kung-Fu and Match Day didn’t, I shall never know.

Here’s the Limerick:

CRASH is the best magazine
As everyone by now will have seen
But when they reviewed Boulder Dash
They really did make a hash
And were lucky not to cause a bad scene.

Paul A Walshe

I’ve never come across the phenomenon before of dashing off a quick Limerick when angry — however, it sounds healthier than slamming phones down. Far from it for me to slander someone, but perhaps there is an alternative explanation for your not liking this addictive game!

There was a Young man from Minety
Who’s Boulder Dash score only reached ninety
So angry did he become
At this pitifully small sum
That he dashed it to the ground in a feisty.

Eat your heart out Keats.
LM

BIASED???

Dear CRASH,
I am writing to make a complaint about your magazine. In your November issue, you made Jasper a CRASH Smash. In your February issue, you gave Gift from the Gods 84%.

Could this possibly be because one D Brewster happens to work for CRASH? I think so. Graphics 96%? GFTG graphics 91%!

The animation in Jasper is slow and unrealistic, whereas Denton Designs have made great progress in the superb moving graphics of their game. Gift did not even get a colour picture!

I could recommend Gift to anyone, but I strongly suggest you don’t waste your money on a game such as Jasper. I also noticed that Kentilla was a Smash in the same issue, and guess who wrote that?

Also: Get rid of Terminal Man, yours is supposed to be a computer magazine.

I know this will not be printed, but I think the bias in the reviewing team should be known to the unsuspecting public, who you are supposed to provide a service for.
David Wicks

This is a pretty daft letter when you come right down to it. For a start off, the two games you are comparing are of incomparably different types. There are some four months time gap between them — shouldn’t you be glad Spectrum advances are so fast? You seem to boast some knowledge of Denton Designs, so it might be worth considering the differences between a programmer working on his own and a team of five or more people combining their talents. Although it isn’t entirely relevant, you might also like to know that Derek wrote Jasper before Matthew Smith even wrote Jet Set Willy, but because it didnt quite fit in with Micromega’s then 3D policy of releases, it was delayed heavily. Your argument falls to bits with the mention of Kentilla, about which you say nothing beyond trying to fit it into your ‘conspiracy’ theory of reviewing bias towards Derek’s programs. The reviewers of Gift liked the game a lot, but felt it was a bit on the slow side in the end, and graphically less interesting despite the obvious quality of the graphics.

Fortunately the ‘unsuspecting public’ (how come you are so worldly wise?) are free to make up their own minds about just how much CRASH is leading them up the garden path. And finally, the level of your observation is such that you haven’t noticed that The Terminal Man vanished with the Christmas Special edition months ago.
LM

THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE

Dear Lloyd,
Today I walked into my newsagent and asked the assistant for my favourite girlie mag TRASH. I asked for it to be placed in a plain brown bag (to protect it from the rain), and raced home to view its delights.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the title of CRASH before my eyes.

‘What’s this?’ I cried, ‘There must be some mistake, someone’s spelt TRASH wrongly.’

Could it be the wrong magazine? Let’s have a look in the index.

BEAMRIDER, BLUE MAX, BODYSWOP (Wow, this sounds better than usual). BRISTLES, EASY FRONT, FORBIDDEN FRUITS (Yes!) KING ARTHUR’S GUEST, RATTLER (double Yes!)

I must have a look at the adverts: UP ’N’ DOWN, QUICKSHOT, SOFTAID, BYTES, WILLYS, BUSTERS (My oh my)!

There is Shareth trying to lure me BEYOND, Wilma’s trying to make me into a WALLY, and I love the bit from the ‘reader wives’ on page 77 who says, ‘I’m a lady of thirty who enjoys playing games on the household Spectrum,’ (whatever that is).

BUT WAIT, ALL IS NOT RIGHT. THIS ISN’T MY GIRLIE MAG ‘TRASH’, it’s a computer mag called CRASH. What the hell, if it’s like this every month I’m packing in my other one for this. IT’S GREAT.

PS. I wouldn’t mind the occasional photo of Samantha Fox in it.

Anon (for a clue to my identity ‘you will find my double in HUNCHBACK II’)

Thank you Esmerelda. Obviously when the assistant took it off the shelf you mistook it because of your severe short-sightedness — AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT CAUSES THAT, DON’T WE?
LM

JOINT TIR NA NOG EFFORT

We received a very nice letter from Mrs Barbara K Winterton from Ingmanthorpe Hall School in Wetherby, Yorks to say that her name appeared in the credits for the Tir Na Nog map which we printed a few issues back. Mrs Winterton wishes to explain that she only helped in what was a joint mapping effort by boys at the school, who worked very hard on the game and the map. So, congratulations to the lads at Ingmanthorpe Hall for making Oli’s life so easy in putting the finished map together.
LM

A LONGER SIGNPOST

Dear Lloyd,
I am writing to you about the CRASH Signpost page. I think it should be longer. I would also like to know how old the CRASH review team are because age is a very important factor when analysing games. For instance, I bought Jetpac a while ago and some of my friends thought it was too babyish. I thought this was as stupid as the idea of selling hopeless games for £1.99, but this is the view they seem to take. What do you think of this attitude? One more thing, why does Robin Candy’s picture appear at the start of the Playing Tips but we have never seen yours. Are you too ugly, or are you just modest?
John Morrow

The length of the Signpost page is down to Derek and the time he has spare from bribing the CRASH review team to vote all his programs CRASH Smashes (see previous letter if you’re speed reading)! The ages of the CRASH review team range from 14 to 36 with most of them between 14 and 21 (Robin Candy will be 54 next birthday, as you can tell by his blurry photo — the one he hates so much). My lack of picture is traditional, it just worked out that way, besides which I hate being photographed, it’s almost a phobia, and CRASH just can’t afford to keep buying replacement lenses for the Box Brownie Instamatic.
LM

DON’T SACK ANGUS!

I’m afraid to say that I thought not long ago that your magazine was getting dull. Not even Oliver Frey could save the dreary reviews and passages with his wonderful artwork. BUT THEN a shining star came along with his joyful insults and pure hatred of all forms of human life. I refer, of course, to the lead-tongued Angus Ryall, whose column is really fun to read, and on the whole a great deal better than that pathetic little snivel Robin Candy.

Don’t sack Angus, he really knows the best attitude to computer games. Also, there’s a tenner riding on you printing this, so please do, or I’ll never be able to afford the subscription. By the way, in February the typewriter was a 1917 Hermes, but by March it was a 1922. Did you write for BIG KRAP or something?
The Bringer of Death

The Bringer of Death aka GA Kester, also asked me to print another message from the bottom of his letter, but this isn’t a local classified paper you know! As to the silvery charm of Angus Vile, I can only say that am not privvy to the inner thoughts of the CRASH Management as to the future of the man who has insulted just about everyone with a reasonable amount of impunity (means he gets away wiv it). Sadly, I have to inform you that Robin is sitting next to me as I write this, and has seen your comment. Believe me, he’s not best pleased. Typewriters: modern technology advances a pace, doesn’t it? This time next year, they might even let me use the word processor.
LM

Well it’s wrap up time for this month. If you would like a copy of ‘Lloyd Mangram’s Long Word Dictionary’ (Newsfield Educational Press 1985 Edition) in hand-tooled Moroccan leather, just send £350 to me — don’t worry, it’s at the printers now (honest). Don’t forget to keep writing and if you’re on Micronet (I’ll say it again) the CRASH MBX is 105845851. If you contact CRASH and DON’T want your MBX number quoted if it’s printed in the magazine, please sign and put your town down followed by an ‘XXX’, and we’ll miss out the number. And remember, you can use the CRASH MBX for Playing Tips, Hall of Slime and Competition entries if you wish (Don’t forget to put full name and address for Comp entries though)! For steam age correspondents it’s LLOYD MANGRAM, LUDLOW.