YOU ARE LUCKY, my friends, to get me this month. A few weeks ago, having suffered the absolutely crushing humiliation of not getting any awards at a lunch given by A Certain Competing Magazine (all part of the plan to bankrupt them), I had another axi on my motorbike and dropped some bricks on a foot (my fiancée’s fortunately). These disastrous events, coming hot on each other’s heels, had only been partly balmed by a certain journalist wanting to interview ME (I couldn’t believe it! Real fame! I had to pose beside Ian Livingstone’s Porsche for pictures!), when I happened across a diatribe against my moral standards from another writer on THIS VERY MAGAZINE! I mean, come on chaps, let’s show some solidarity here.

At any rate, you can probably imagine that by this time the slings and arrows etc, had got a bit much, so I decided to emigrate. To Greece.

Unfortunately, not being able to afford to get the natives slapping the old breeze blocks together to make the traditional colonial villa, we were forced to stay in an hotel which was, er, owned by a friend of ours — I hate to admit it, but I do know the odd capitalist, and even one or two outright tyrants (my mum) — and was full of Scandinavian sand beetles. I must say at this point, though, that if you’re ever in Rhodes, the Regina Hotel is a wonderful place to stay (you wouldn’t deny me my kickbacks, would you?) and the booze is a) cheap (especially ouzo) and b) incredibly strong (ouzo again). One could develop quite a taste for the stuff!

I did notice, though, that the home computer market is not very well developed in Greece, in fact it’s non-existent, and that youth culture seems to thrive on motorbikes and scooters. (Is this the same Greece that John Minson visited — see News Input — ? —Ed)

We hired three really clapped out old bikes which were, like HORRIFIC, and my fiancée burnt her leg on one of them (the one with the brick no doubt — Ed) ... maybe there is a market here for Sinclair after all (well he can’t sell them here, can he)?

After two weeks we ran out of money and came home. And that would be the end of the story, except that as I only had two games this month, I thought I’d leave it until next month, so I ended up with only about 18 hours to review, write and type up the stuff when CRASH told me they needed it this month. Still, at least I know they missed me. And the two games are very good.