There was a Soviet apparatchik, a Chinese People’s Revolutionary revolutionary person and a Spectrum owner on this plane together, right? And the airline had been publishing all these self-congratulatory ads about adding seven new destinations to its schedules in the last year, in Sunday supplements, business magazines, The Independent, you know the sort of thing.

So the Russian laughs and drains another vodka and says: ‘That’s nothing, friends. Call that growth? In Mother Russia, we have a three-year scheme for improved industrial efficiency that will increase tractor production by 72%!’

The Chinese butts in: ‘Sorry, Lloyd Lloydovovich, you’re talking through your cossack. In Peking we’re already halfway through our latest seven-year plan — not to mention a Cultural Revolution and a Great Leap Forward.’ He sits back, smugly, and invites the capitalist home-computing running dog to beat that for long-range social planning.

The Spectrum-owner, who’s been dozing over some minor magazine with ‘Sinclair’ in the title, has to pause to think.

Lloyd Lloydovovich calls for another vodka and, while the Spectrum-owner’s still puzzling over the question, makes some silly joke about his ROM needing a bit of perestroika. The Chinese gent’s given up on the whole conversation now and starts re-educating himself out of some little red book.

Suddenly the Spectrum-owner speaks, in a slow but confident sort of way. ‘Well, chaps,’ he says, ‘I’m afraid my country doesn’t have any plans in particular. But there is one objective we all work toward.’

‘Exactly! Economic imperialism!’ snorts the Chinese traveller, hardly looking up from his book.

‘Well, actually, no,’ says the Spectrum-owner almost apologetically. ‘All it is is that we’re all jolly certain to buy the next issue of CRASH as soon as it’s in the newsagents on January 28.’

Lloyd Lloydovovich defected.