Live Circuit

The saga of Enor the mouse continues! Remember last month’s arrival in the CRASH office? A mouse harbouring from the cruelty of winter? Yes? Good. He continued leaving small presents on desks until a few weeks back a chap from Mice-killers ’R’ Us arrived and laid trails of poison on the carpet. Suddenly, everyone who before was screaming ‘Yeek! Vermin!’ suddenly began spouting about small innocent fluffy things... no harm to anyone... blah blah. Well, little was seen of Enor for a few days and everyone dreaded finding a poisoned mouse on their chair in the morning. But, it’s alright! He’s alive! We know this because he’s chewed through the cassette lead on the Speccy. Hurumph! More mouse antics next month (unless he dies, of course), now here are your letters. If you fancy winning the £40 software prize drop me a line at: NEWSFIELD, LLOYD MANGRAM’S FORUM, CRASH.

COMPLETELY SICK

Yo Lloyd!
I’m sick of people complaining about problems. Can’t they thing of anything nice to say? Well, I can. So here they are:

  1. I’m glad to see that after a disappointing 1990, with only a handful of quality games released, the standard of software is much improved already. If the quality of games is as good as NARC, RoboCop 2, North and South, Gremlins 2 and the Turtles game it should be a very successful year. Also with companies like The Hit Squad and Kixx rereleasing quality budget games, I’m sure that people who turned to the SAM Coupé will be having second thoughts.
  2. I hope Ocean carry on releasing 128K-only games and other companies follow them. Navy SEALS and RoboCop 2 are both excellent titles and show what can be done combining the 128K sound chip with good graphics. My only fear is that every 128K-only game will cost £10.99 and then all the other full-price games will cost £10.99.
  3. I think the Powertape is excellent. The playable demos are brilliant. The ex-full price games are a good way of getting some old games you missed when they were first released. As for the readers’ games, my brother couldn’t get his hands off the keyboard once I’d loaded Egghead! Luckily for me he’s gone back to university and hasn’t had a chance to play Egghead 2!
  4. Seeing as how you’ve had features on educational software, arcade games and the Turtles, why not have a few hints on programming. Could you also bring the charts back?
  5. Where are the Olibugs? Have they caught a bug or something? Ho! Ho!
  6. I think Mark Caswell is too soft.
  7. So there you are.
  8. Seven was a funny number to finish on, wasn’t it? Mind you, so’s eight. Oh well.

Glyn Jones

Erm... Yo Glyn! Nice to hear from someone who’s happy with the Speccy scene! Here, have a £40 software voucher!
LM

TURTLE ‘CARE’

Dear Lloyd
I can’t help noticing that there’s a right way and a wrong way to do most things. So. here’s the right way to hibernate your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles through the summer.

  1. Find a box. It can be made of wood, plastic, metal, brick or cardboard (if you’re a cheapskate).
  2. Put the Turtles in it. Don’t worry about there not being enough room for them, or air to breathe.
  3. Stuff their weapons in as well. Don’t worry about them hitting their soft undersides.
  4. Dig a hole, making sure it is at least ten feet deep.
  5. Seal the box. Either superglue or ordinary nails will do.
  6. Drop the box in the hole. Don’t worry about the shock they’ll get when they hit the bottom.
  7. Fill in the hole. Do not, under any circumstances, mark the spot.
  8. Hopefully, when the time comes to dig them up you’ll have forgotten about the little... (SNIP! Views deleted from family magazine.)

Andrew S Collier

Is turtlemania over yet? If it is, it’s worrying because it leaves it open for something far, far worse: Simpsonmania! Wasn’t Bart’s single completely awful?
LM

HAYLLLP!!!

Dear Lloyd
For the past three-and-a-half years my selfish brother has made rude and cheeky remarks at my Spectrum; telling me that the Spectrum is being phased out and why not get a console.

Should I get a console, or keep my reliable trustworthy Spectrum? I need someone’s advice and now, because my mum and dad agree with my brother and are working as a team to persuade me to put away my Spectrum and look for a better investment. What should I do? Please help me!
Daniel Batchelor

I reckon if everyone else in your family is keen to get a console while you’re happy with your Speccy they should be the ones paying out for it. Remind them that new console games cost over £25 a piece whereas you can buy a Speccy game for as little as £3. You stick to your Speccy, Daniel, and simply take advantage of the console if they buy one!
LM

A PLUS 5??

Dear Lloyd
Please could you tell me if there is a computer called the Spectrum +5, with a cassette and a disk drive? And if there is, what’s the price? And could you also tell me how much the +2, +3. 48K+ and the 128K+ cost?
Peter Twells

No, sorry Peter, there’s no such thing as a +5, nor is there likely to be. Amstrad, the company that produce the Sinclair range, only manufacture the +2 these days and that retails for £159.99. Though, if you shop around, you might be lucky and find it cheaper. If you want any of the other models the only way to get them now is as second-hand machines. Have a look at the classified advertisements in your local paper.
LM

LIGHTGUN LARKS!

Dear Lloyd
I will be getting a Defender Lightgun for my birthday in March. Could you please give me a list of games which are Lightgun compatible.
Ben Bussey

As far as we know the six games that come with the gun are the only Lightgun-compatible games available.
LM

WAR TALK

Dear Lloyd
Over the last few months or so I’ve seen many war games come onto the scene. Games such as North and South, Crete 1941, Battle Command, Battle of the Bulge, F-16 — the list goes on. Surely all these games cannot all coincide with the Gulf War? It’s plain and simple that software houses are making money out of the goings-on in the Middle East. I think that this is pure scandal. Our forces are fighting for their lives in the Gulf while software houses back home are piling up their bank accounts. When the public see the camera action of the planes and tanks on the news, they want a piece of the action so go and buy the next best thing — a computer game. Something must be done about this and done now.
Kevin Millington

I don’t think any software companies would release games just to exploit the media coverage of the Gulf war. It’s an implausible notion that any games programmers sat down on the day war broke out and created a combat simulation for release two weeks later. F-16 and Battle Command (the two games that would appear to tie-in with the war) have been in development for about two years and their release dates were really just fate. On a subject such as this, it’s really up to Speccy owners whether they want to experience the action found in combat simulators; you can’t expect two such superbly programmed games to be withdrawn from sale because of what’s going on around the world. Would you expect to go into a book shop and find all books, whether fiction or not, concerning war withdrawn from sale? I think not. CRASH has quite a few readers in the armed forces, like Spike (Forum, Issue 78), and any that may have ended up in the war have our support.
LM

+3 DISKS

Dear Lloyd
I have heard that Amstrad are scrapping the +3 and are concentrating on the +2 and the more expensive disk drive computer (Amstrad’s CPC 6128 Plus). So, can you tell me if +3 disks will still be available and will they still put games on disc?
Simon Jesson

No need to worry, Simon. The +3 disks are still in production — the CPC 6128 Plus uses them too — so you should have no problems getting hold of then. And yes, some software companies are still releasing games on disk. Check out the CRASH reviews to see what’s available.
LM

KEEPS ’EM QUIET

Dear Lloyd
Just a line of thanks to CRASH and Eric Auterith for Master Brain, it has kept my son and friends quiet for hours! Being four- and five-year-olds the colours and numbers are very educational. My son has had other pair games but one or two cards always seem to disappear — on tape it’s magic! Keep Powertape games like this coming and even Gerard Fullerton (Issue 85) will be happy. Thanks a lot.
Terry Young

CRASH — the nation’s playing our games (and learning quite a bit from them too!).
LM

ECO POWER!

The planet Earth is an all right place to be (most of the time), isn’t it viewers? Okay, so it’s a bit messy in places but nothing a bit of environmentally-sound tidying up wouldn’t cure. And here comes the very chap to keep the planet clean and green: Captain Planet!

Cap currently appears in a smash hit cartoon series in the States where, with the help of five right-on chums, he bravely fights to keep the Earth pollution-free and generally encourages everyone to do Green things. In fact he’s that Green he’s even outstripped the Turtles’ popularity (cowabunga!).

The Captain Planet series hits our TV screens in April. and guess what? There’s a Captain Planet game on the way. Mindscape have signed the licence and Captain Planet should having lots of recycling larks later this year!

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN...

Standby: we are about to launch Sting-ray! STING-RAY! (Dah-de-de-dah-de-dah). Except we’re not. But joystick manufacturer Logic 3 (the new company formed by Spectravideo) are!

The Sting-Ray is a wizzy handheld ’stick designed so it can be used by both left and right-handed games players. Fitted with durable microswitches (so it makes a nice clicky sound), Logic 3 reckon the Sting-Ray is responsive, strong and comfortable to use, even through a long alien-zapping session. It’s out now and costs £14.95 for the standard version. If you want the autofire version it’ll set you back another quid (ie: £15.95, for those of you useless at adding).

GRANDSLAM GIVES BIRTH!

Much deep breathing, pushing and shouts of ‘Any minute now, darling’ could be heard around the offices of GrandSlam the other day. And then it happened. GrandSlam gave birth to a little rerelease budget-priced label all of its very own. Awwwww!

The new label’s called Unique and begins life with the rerelease of three games from GrandSlam’s back catalogue. Costing £3.99 apiece, the first titles going onto the streets are Peter Beardsley’s Football, The Flintstones and The Running Man. Messages of congratulations on the birth may be sent to GrandSlam (though, we expect, they’d prefer it if you went out and bought the games).

Also out in time for Easter (hopefully...) is GrandSlam’s England Football game. It’s a game, erm, about football and the England team. Sounds intriguing, eh? Don’t miss the review next issue and look out for a rather major England football top-prize compo coming to these very pages soon!!

INTRODUCING... CRASH Charts

This is what the big UK distributor Centersoft sold lots of in Feb!

  1. Dizzy Collection (Code Masters)
  2. Golden Axe (Virgin)
  3. Hollywood Collection (Ocean)
  4. F-16 Combat Pilot (Digital Integration)
  5. Dick Tracy (Titus)
  6. Total Recall (Ocean)
  7. Sim City (Infogrames)
  8. Gremlins 2 (Elite)
  9. Big Box (Beau Jolly)
  10. Kick Off 2 (Anco)

(Well, that seems to be pretty much hitch-free. We’ll keep this new Charts thingy — Ed)

WE’VE HAD SOME NEW IDEAS!

(lets see if any of them work)

INTRODUCING... ARFUR THE CABBIE’S MOVIE COLUMN

Kindergarten Cop

‘Gawd! Lord luvva duck! I had that Arnold Wasshisname in the back of my cab the other day — Gordon Bennett!! Was he a big chap?!! Right, and in this film he, right, is this like undercover cop looking for this sprog and ends up becoming a nursery school teacher! It’s a laff, innit?!?! You gotta laff ain’t ya?!!?

‘The kids play havoc, Gawd! I hate having kids in my cab (messy urchins wif their bleeding ice creams) — string ’em up, it’s the only language they understand!!!

‘No bleeding stars!!!’ (Actually its a brill movie — Ed)

Three Men and a Little Lady

‘Gawd! Does us a favour, guy?! I had all the bleedin’ cast in the back of my cab! Tom bleedin Selleck, Steve Gottaburger and the other one. I fought ‘Oh yes — hello luvvies’ — it’s a bit bleedin’ suspicious, innit?!?! Right, in this bleedin’ film the three blokes try an save the woman, old wasshername, from marrying this prat and the little lady — she’s called Mary — is a birova laff!! It’s the bleeding’ sequel to Three Men and a bleedin’ Baby, init?!! Sequels?? I hate ’em! String ’em up, it’s the only language they understand!!!

‘No bleedin’ stars!!!’ (Erm, this film’s quite ace. Arfur, you’re fired! Movie column scrapped! — Ed)

NEXT MONTH!

CRASH IN SHOCK SNOG-UP SITUATION WITH ANOTHER MAGAZINE!!!

  • PHWOOOOAAAR! Yes, next month all will be revealed as CRASH gets into a pervy bondage affair with a brand new British computer games magazine! GAMES X is the title of the new mag that’ll be stuck to the back of CRASH for one issue only and then GAMES X goes weekly! Discover all next month!!
  • ALSO, SNUGGLING UP TO THE COVER... It is, of course, another blooming Powertape jam-packed with scorching hot game thrills mod demos (like HeroQuest, which never mode it onto this month’s tape)!!
  • A QUICKIE BETWEEN THE SHEETS!! Lots and lots of rumpo between the sheets of paper that make up Britain’s most hip, hop and happening (man!) Speccy magazine. Like reviews! Previews! Brilliant top-prize compos! Tips! And so much more you’ll need a bucket of water to calm you down!!

DON’T MISS IT, DUDES! GET YOUR MONTHLY DOSE OF THRILL POWER FROM THE MAY ISSUE OF CRASH, ON-SALE APRIL 18!!