We were amazed when one morning this month we received a
tortoise and a bug through the post. This isn’t the natural way for such
creatures to get around (even though there were airholes in the boxes)! They
weren’t even sent by registered post!
Apparently these two poor creatures are supposed to improve gameplaying on
the Spec no end. Very strange, particularly the bug, since our only previous
experience of such things spelled nothing but disaster in the computer game
On closer inspection you find this little black insect is made of plastic
and has wee knobs and buttons all over it. Duh! — it’s a joystick!
As is its turtle pal — silly me (understatement of the year —
The Bug fits nicely in the hand, wtth a very small control stick in the
middle (supposedly indestructible but it didn’t stand up to the
industrial steam roller too well!). The little chap’s two eyes are the
fire buttons (how cruel!) and he’s got a little switch on his bum for
rapid fire (curry not included).
It’s very slick to use for fast action arcade games, in fact
it’s extremely... I’ll have to use that word...
‘ergonomic’ (when you’ve quite finished swallowing a
dictionary, Alan — Ed)
The Tortoise is possibly the most bizarre accessory you’ll ever see
plugged into a Speccy. It’s a big green thing with a shell, four little
feet and a little head sticking out the front. In fact I’d probably think
it was the real thing if wasn’t for the three dirty great red fire
buttons on top of his shell (well, that and the wire coming out of him).
You just stick him to the table (I’m going to have to get onto the
RSPCA about this, you know) and tilt him in the desired direction, fire buttons
positioned in comfortable positions for this unusual method of control.
Strange to say, The Tortoise, if you can control your laughter, is rather good
for racing games!
For those who wish to take control of identical animal joysticks, The Bug
costs £14.99 and The Tortoise £9.99, both from Cheetah.
PHWOAR! Here’s a rip-roaring game to keep under your bed
away from your mum’s prying eyes, ’cos it’s rumpy-pumpy time
with Covergirl Poker from The Sales Curve!
In association with The Daily Sport, it features eight slinky
models, including Maria Whittaker and former Miss Denmark, Trina Michelsen.
Play hand after hand of cards to get a peek at a bit more of each model!
Don’t forget to close your eyes if things get a little too rude, though
— you don’t want to be corrupted, do you?! (Don’t answer
Programmed by Denmark’s Emotional Pictures, It’s gonna be very
interesting to see how they handle digitised pictures on the Spectrum. I
remember other ‘attempts’ at strip poker games like the famed
Maria’s Christmas Box, I mean, colour clash on the lipstick!
That’ll get your pulse racing!
Buying a copy of the game also entitles the player to enter a competition
with The Sport. Prizes will include software and calendars!
Look out for these top models down your local software shop soon. (Not in
person, of course, although that’d be nice!) Covergirl Poker
will cost £11.99 on cassette.
Phwoar, look at that! We’ve actually got a handsome hunk
on CRASH! (Okay Al, you can take the thumbscrews away now!) Well, that’s
all very well for the girlies, I hear you fellas yell — but what about
his gamesplaying? It’s mega-brill! ’Nuff said.
Domark are poised to launch a five-game compilation that
promises to blew your socks off. TNT II... Double Dynamite is loaded
with bombastic arcade blasts from the Tengen label.
All titles are aggressive and trigger-happy (yeah, there’s the
violence, now where’s the SEX? — Ed). The first, Hydra,
is a hovercraft battle where you destroy everything in your path as
you’re pursued by ‘The Shadow’. Sounds a bit stupid to me,
running away from your shadow...
There’s plenty of ‘yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum’ing to be
done in Skull & Crossbones. You’re a despicable pirate
(don’t we all want to be, really?) as you hack your way through the game
getting your hands on jewels, gold and lusty wenches (me hearties, Jim-lad
Escape from the Planet of the Robot Monsters is, as you might have
guessed, an epic battle against alien robots (oh, how novel)!
Badlands is a racing game with the attraction of blasting your
opponents into smithereens using a selection of dastardly weapons.
Finally, in another of the racing ilk, STUN Runner, you tear
through 3D tunnels at speeds in excess of 900mph. Sounds like us on that wiggly
road to Ludlow in the morning!
These dynamic games will be out before you can say ‘gelignite’,
and at a mere £12.99 could really blow you away (and other equally
unamusing puns — Ed).
Blinky’s off on his hols!
OOOoooo! That lovable little apparition is off on his hols. He
started off at his Scary School teaching the little ghosties all there is to
know about spooking people (and generally make them have fatal heart attacks
’n stuff) but soon got fed up.
He decided to pop oft on a nice ship voyage but unfortunately chose the SS
Titanic (plank). The ship sank and the evil geezer Arthur J Hackensack sent
himself back in time to the Wild West. BlInky just had to follow him and put a
stop to his nasty ways so his next destination was that fun loving land, the US
Now Blinky In America (or some similar title) has been born with
more fun and frolics for the frightening chap. The game’s bound to have
lots of cacti, Yanks, crap comedies and other American things (which of course
means that it’s bigger, louder, more expensive and generally better than
anything you get here). Hackensack’s taken over the old west gold mines
and kidnapped the good people who worked in them. Our spectre friend will soon
have them freed — if he can get through the traps waiting for him in
locations like the saloon, graveyard and gold mine! Lots of platforms and
ladders and romping action is coming your way soon from Zeppelin Games.
A NIGHTMARE ON FOOTBALL MANAGER STREET III
Guess what? Addictive have decided to release yet another footy
FM3, they promise, will be absolutely the last version of this
age-old classic game that’s been thrilling Speccy users since the early
Eighties (let me hear you say HALLELUJAH! — Ed). That’s what they
say about Star Trek every time they release a new movie, though, so
who knows? Despite being considered more boring than a frame of snooker with
Stevie Wonder by some, the Football Manager series has gained a cult
Fans of this strategical style may be interested to know that FM3
promises to be the ultimate. There’ll be a massive directory of teams,
players, individual players’ characteristics etc, plus training and all
kinds of new features to keep you on your toes.
It’ll sting you for £10.99, which might prove a bit on the pricey
side for such an ancient game style. But who knows, it might be just what
Graham Taylor needs to practice on!